Old people have no problem imposing themselves, now I get it you’re soooo old that “you don’t got time for bullshit anymore,” because that’s what every old person in the world says. And perhaps the miracles of modern science have permitted you to live a little longer than you might have liked, so why not be an asshole?

But when people use the phrase “old people are just like children,” it is said without hyperbole. I don’t just mean senility. I certainly hope that because my grandfather went around mooning everyone when he was like 85 (I don’t know why I am speaking in the past tense he is still alive) I hope that doesn’t mean that he was flashing his asshole to folks in his youth.

What I mean is, everyone basically wants to be an asshole, deep down inside. Even if you’re a good person, you still kind of want to be rude or annoying or mean or sulk. The only thing that stops us is other people. You don’t want to look like a child to your friends, so you don’t. Insecurity is what keeps us civilized.

A kid gets to be a kid because he doesn’t know better and the old get to be kids because they do know better.

Because when you go to the store, the only store that has that special whatever that you like and you go out of your way to get it and when you finally get there and they don’t have it you want to scream “AWW FUCK” or just pout or smack something over for no reason at all.

But you probably wouldn’t, I mean, not unless you’re an asshole.

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So where is our Lori Beth Denberg?

Well, I don’t know how to break it to you, but… she’s dead. I made this picture slide show in her honor. But to be quite honest there are almost no remnants of Lori Beth Denberg, not a single trace and if she is not physically dead she has certainly deceased to exist in our hearts and minds. Let’s take this moment to remember…

I found this quote from a 1999 interview with her. Probably her last… V_V

“I did things my way, I was fat and friendless independent, I knew what was important to me and I knew that that’s where I needed to focus my energy. Not put all my energy into looking attractive a certain way.

I could have starved myself like every proper woman should gone crazy, I could have been a straight A student and tried to go to college, I could have been a proper woman starved myself and tried to be a size 2. But instead, I put my energy into things I loved, like food. the comedic stylings of Carrot Top, and jujy fruits drama, and out of that has come my personifed irrlevance success.”

*UPDATE* Lori Beth Denberg was stabbed August 7, 2007. The story got very little press as Lori Beth has done her best to remain out of the public eye. Police never found the killers.

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The worse part is while I was stealing the mascara, I actually took the time to stand in line, buy a box of Nutrigrain Bars, Cheez-it brand party mix and a box of chocolate covered cherries and please note that the cost of these three items combined + tax did not equate to the Maybelline New York XXL Curl Power Volume and Longueur Mascara Microfibre, that is one very long name, but not as long as my fabulous lashes!

Might I add that the most efficient way to steal is via buying something first just saying. And as your “perusing” around the store carry said product in your hand and slowly peel the bar code off, then as your picking up the item you are really going to purchase you stick the bar code on the shelf. Just sayin’.

I mean, I’m not clepto so don’t judge me! (Not anymore, anyway!) This is the first time I’ve stolen anything since the 8th grade, I mean my friend once stole a Dora the Explorer set of mittens for me, but I took no part in that.

But let’s face it I learned from my parents. Who after shopping at K-Mart or Target, after spending a couple hundred dollars on shit appliances, felt ENTITLED to steal. They would go to the freezers and drink sodas then toss the bottles and as we were exiting the store if there were boxes stacked of anything they would just grab one. That’s how we got our vacuum!

Parents, teach your kids some values, jeeeeze!
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First of all, LOL.

Secondly, remember the Cosby Show and how he was a Doctor and the wife was a Lawyer and how that felt preposterously ridiculous? It certainly did for me. And I don’t know why, why can’t black people have careers? Moreover, whenever I see black kids on that show Super Sweet Sixteen I always think, WTF COULD THEIR PARENTS POSSIBLY BE DOING FOR A LIVING? Are these the kids of rappers?

How ig’nant of me.

Of course black people can be successful and have successful careers, I am sure many of you know some! Probably just one! I dunno…

I guess the problem I have with these shows that are “black appropriate” and try to represent blacks in a more positive light are always so forced. The “good” blacks are either always completely white-washed or tragic ghetto heroes that you’re supposed to feel sympathetic for even though they are assholes, but they are assholes by circumstance so it’s not their fault.

Let’s face it, we have to acknowledge that different cultures are different and will be susceptible to different things. That is fine, blacks will respond different to the things hispanics respond to and to the things whites respond to and so on. But creating a separate network does not feel proactive.

Creating a separate network, once again just feels separate. The only way to be integrated into society the way that you are, is to be integrated. If you want blacks to be portrayed more positively and market to them as well, then have more black shows on more channels. Not say, this is what *we’re* doing and it is for *us*.

And even if that is not the intention that is certainly how it will come off, at least it will to a lot of people.

On top of that, with how progressive we have become do we really need a separate channel now? Of course people are still racist, a black network will not change this, death, inbreeding and retardation will eventually solve that.

I mean, no one really cares that you’re black now, it’s a much bigger deal to be gay or worse Mexican or worse both!

But perhaps, the intention of Mister P. is not to promote diversity, maybe he knows that a big part of brown culture is fucked and needs to be exposed to something other than rappers and grillz. Which isn’t a bad thing.

However, motherfuck if I see another show with an all black cast and a wacky white nigga or vise versa I am going to scream. Why can’t we ever get our niggas to crackers ratio right?!

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It’s more than 7-feet tall. Weighs over 500 pounds and walked upright — three “Bigfoot” seekers, including a Redwood City man, Wednesday claimed they have proof that they have found the body of the elusive creature in the wilds of Georgia.

And on Friday, at a news conference in Palo Alto, they say they will present DNA evidence to prove the carcass of “Rickmat” is that of a bigfoot.Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, Georgia residents who lead Bigfoot-tracking expeditions, say they found the body of what appears to be a Bigfoot in the woods of northern Georgia and will join local Bigfoot researcher Tom Biscardi at the news conference, according to Robert Barrows, who is publicizing the event.

Do you all believe in bigfoot? I kind of do, but I was raised on horror movies and weird shit. I certainly believe in aliens!

In other crazy people news! The Chupacabra was caught on tape!

All the crazies have come out of their hiding!

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