Actually you do the opposite! Apparently...

The media never fails to mix fact with whatever the dick is relevant at the time. The only reason this story is worth mentioning is because of how it is spinned.

Here’s a story that brings home just how morbid this housing crisis can be: Heather Newnam of Tamarac shot herself yesterday instead of letting cops evict her for failing to pay her rent.

It’s a depressing tale, but perhaps what’s more depressing is reading what amounts to Newnam’s final public words on her Twitter account. Writing under the name rsangel04, bits of Newnam’s life played out in her posts.

This is obviously written to play off how terrible the current economy is. This woman couldn’t pay her rent so she SHOT herself in the head to avoid eviction. She would much rather be dead then:

• Be homeless for probably like a day
• Pick up some guy and stay with him, ’cause she is a girl with breasts and that’s what girls do ’cause guys are dumb
• Join the Military
• Stay at a shelter
• Go on Welfare
• Stay with a friend or family member

This woman had so many options but she chose DEATH instead because this recession is KILLER. Pun all the wayzies. Let’s look at her tweets.

Maybe if she didn’t spend all of her money on tattoos, booze and videos games she’d make rent.

The fact of the matter is, this face weathered with crystal meth, sun exposure and the general trashiness of Ft. Lauderdale probably had more issues than money. Moreover, she didn’t even take to twitter to kill herself. We basically just decided to facebook and google this bitch and further exploit her death to make a point about the recession. Jesus Christ, we’re scumbags.

What’s even sadder is that previous posts seem to show Newnam in a better place, talking about going to the tattoo convention and watching the TV show Rescue Me.

Melodrama much? I’m sure there’s no happier place than the exploits of the foul-mouthed Dennis Leary having random sex and SAVING LIVES!

Download audio file (Puscifer%20-%20Indigo%20Children.mp3)

Download the Indigo Children by Puscifer

Dios mio.

“Why doesn’t she age?” Howard Greenberg, 52, asked of his daughter. “Is she the fountain of youth?”

Such questions are why scientists are fascinated by Brooke. Among the many documented instances of children who fail to grow or develop in some way, Brooke’s case may be unique, according to her doctor, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine pediatrician Lawrence Pakula, in Baltimore.

“Many of the best-known names in medicine, in their experience … had not seen anyone who matched up to Brooke,” Pakula said. “She is always a surprise.”

Somehow a genetic anomaly occurred so that this girl never ages and somehow everyone is pretending like this is a good thing.

Maybe we can harness her stem cells and ensure that women never develop past 16, then they’ll all be sexy like Miley Cyrus. Because wanting to fuck a women who looks 12 isn’t as disturbing as wanting to fuck a 12-year-old!

I don’t know why I had to pervert this scenario so much, but seriously, no she is not the fountain of fucking youth. No this mother isn’t happy that she has been cleaning up the shit and piss of this baby for 16 years and probably the rest of her life.

There is nothing good about living this way, it’s not as if she has mentally developed much. She’s not fucking Benjamin Button. She’s just in perma-baby form. And even if we can learn something important about aging, we shouldn’t keep reinforcing this premise that aging is this terrible thing.

Good lord there is a reason why we get old and wither away, this world is fucking overpopulated and maybe it’s just because I live in New York City, but haysoose maria. We already live too long now as it is. There is no point in preserving our bodies in scientifically charged ziplock bags if our minds just atrophy. And even if we could prevent dimentia, all those neurological side-effects that come with aging, would you want to live passed 100?

Would you want to see society change 5 times over and technology progress into hover segways, could you imagine how fat everyone will be in 100 years. Pretty fucking fat.

I know I’m cynical, but I like the idea that no matter how healthy I am and no matter how much Murphy’s law doesn’t intervene, I will always have an expiration date.

THEY MURDERED HIS SOUL!

This isn’t really surprising, I mean, religious people are susceptible to believing in some funky shit. Moreover, that melodramatic chubby lady was kind of right, they thought they were actually helping him (maybe).

But what I really want to know is, is this guy writhing around the floor trying to convince everyone that it’s working?  Like, “Yes mom, I went to the Exorcism, yes Mother, I do not enjoy the hot beef no more. No more ooga booga gay demons.”

That whole speaking in tongues shit is weird, like those kids from Jesus Camp talking like the Sims. Just because you believe in something doesn’t make it real. Even if there is a God I’m pretty sure he’s gotten bored shitless, watching all of us try to figure out if that wart on Lindsay Lohan’s pussy lip was some sort of herpes.

A toad sat on my pussy

He’s probably created a more interesting dimension where you can eat brownies and not get fat and Whole Foods isn’t so fucking expensive. And Nickelback doesn’t suck shit.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having faith, some people do need something to hold onto I suppose and it can do some good. But let’s face the facts, we shouldn’t be concerned about what God thinks anymore. He should be more concerned with what we think cause as soon as we stop giving a fuck, which a large portion of the world has done already, he will be as irrelevant as the guy who played Corey Matthews on Boy Meets World.

Anyway it’s not surprising that they tried to exorcise a “gay demon” out of that poor kid, I’m sure they didn’t even think homosexuality was an issue until Perez Hilton put out that 11 minute jizz & tears fest, the jizz being how mastubatory it was and tears being the tears of laughter from having to look at his fat face for more than 7 seconds.

Also Absies and I started a cunty sassy fashion trend blog, check it out if you’re bored.

Good.

Good. GOOOOOD. I read Perez Hilton. I follow him on twitter. I am scum. And if you do these things you are scum too. I never understood why Patrice gave up Celerbity Gossip, gossip being the operative word. I didn’t understand why she tried to lay off Bald Britney, I figured, I want to see the train wreck, they’re showing me the train wreck, so I’m going to watch. It’s fucking funny.

I make fun of people on here, in real life, I make fun of people all the time. People do stupid shit and it’s fun to point and laugh. I think it’s important have opinions and blogging certainly gave everyone and anyone a voice, but I think in order for you opinions to have credence they needed to be grounded in some sort of truth.

Proof that he is a douche, emails sent between Perez and some party planner company:

From: Jose Martinez, Harrison & Shriftman
To: Perez Hilton
Date: 2/6/06

Someone just sent this to me….. was this comment in response to you not being invited to our party?

“The Maxim party overflowed with celebs and VIPs who decided not to go to the Playboy party, which was very far away, at the airport.”

Thank goodness, only non-insiders read your unreliable page. You need to really be more responsible if you desire longevity in this business. I understand being snarky, but lies only make you look stupid in the end. I trust you’ll see our media coverage in the coming days and see who and what our party really was like.

From: Perez Hilton
To: Jose Martinez
Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006 14:52:29 -0500

…You may choose not to invite me and invite a blogger who gets 1/3 of the traffic I do, and I can choose to write whatever I play.

I never claim to be objective. In fact, I reslish in my perspective and point of view. That’s why people visit my site, so much that I get more visitors in ONE day that visit me than read Star or OK in one week.

If and when Harrison Shriftman decides that I am “worthy” of being invited to your events, then I will begin to give them favorable coverage….

To point out the blatantly obvious, this fat fat fuck who is obsessed with fame and the idea of celebrity just uses his notoriety to crawl further and further into the assholes of celebrities who probably feel so inclined to be nice to him in order to save face in the media because his website is so clearly biased. I don’t think he’s ever written anything bad about Zac Efron or the Jonas Brothers since he wants their hot teenage beef or Lady GaGa because she panders to gay people. Every picture on his site features his smug face superficially standing next to someone that people actually give a fuck about.

And jesus christ, his fucking “album” that I’m sure sold even less copies than his clothing line. His shit ass, garage band music that he has the nerve to put out after constantly condemning Miley Cyrus’ lack of a talent, but let’s be fair he does like Katy Perry. Oh yeah and he wrote a book that no one bought too.

If his affinity for teenage boys isn’t unnerving enough, Perez would like you to believe that fame = celebrity, these two things aren’t synonymous. Even as stupid as the celebrity might be, you still have to be liked to be a celebrity, and nobody likes Perez Hilton. Not even his readers, you may or may not vividly remember not buying any items from his Hot Topic “clothing line.” That’s because only 7 people showed up to the launch event and less than 7 dollars worth of merchandise was actually sold.

No One Cares

And if the fact that he is a fat fat fuck, who is not only fat, but pretty fucking fuggo in the face, makes a living off of calling other people fat doesn’t bother you, then I suppose you have a life nothing does. But aside from exclusively saving his happy comments for the underage boys men he wants to fuck and being a self-righteous cunt, the fact that he paints himself as some gay rights crusader is offensive, you know since he call Samantha Ronson, saMANtha Ronson on a fucking regular basis and outs every person who might be remotely gay because he deems it necessary even if it means ruining their careers thereby making it harder for them to come out. This is why he was booed off the stage at that AIDS fundraiser way back when. Moreover, even though he spouts his hateful diatribe on a regular basis, he condemns anyone else who voices their opinions on gay rights or one of his celebrity “friends.”

So now Will.I.Am punched him in the face according to his twitter.

- I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.
– I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

– Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

– I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

– The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.

Of course he twitter before calling the police and later admits that it was BEP’s publicist who hit him not Will, but of course that was a more interesting story. I love how he has to clearly state Will.I.Am of BLACK EYED PEAS fame.

I think I’m done with this douche.

When in Rome..

Download audio file (Dresden%20Dolls%20-%20Yes)
Download audio file (%20Virginia%20-%2011%20-%20Mandy%20Goes%20To%20Med%20School.mp3)
Secondly: Apparently on Yelp.com you can review anything including Planned Parenthood. Yup, the place that my friends would call “The Hood” in code because they frequented it that much. The place where dreams are made and broken. So how exactly do you review Planned Parenthood? The 5 Star rating system of course! “This abortion was sultry and moist! 3 1/2 stars.”

Here’s what Russell M. had to say!

So let’s review… the review:

• Lexi is the worst math magician, ALOHOMORA PYTHAGORAS!
• Kristen is a skank hole with the H1N1 Virus, that’s not surprising since she looks like a pig, UNOIT
• Russell has unlimited pix texting, so he is a force to not be fucked with. Fuck all da haterz.
• Girls who go to planned parenthood are fuggo stank ass bitches, no one would fuck them if they didn’t have vagina dentata to trap your disco stick and steal your funky juice
• You’ve Got Mail was a shit-dumb ass movie, who even uses AOL anymore? LOL!!!!!1111one =p
• Lexi still thinks she is preggo even though she is lady lip bleeding
• Only fat/ugly/tacky/stupid/busted  girls where sweat pants and/or pajamas outsid
• Russell’s step sister is fertile
• Ice water, Pepsi and blackmail are da shit XD
• Planned Parenthood gives out lollipops, unironically

And the moral of the story is, let’s all use protection. Your son could be Russell.

Mandy Goes To Med School - The Dresden Dolls