I look like a pedophile in my ID picture. I was wearing a hat that they made me take off and had been running around all day. I look like a touch little boy butts and beef, mhmm. The person who took my ID photo actually starting guffawing after the picture was taken. I would have demanded a retake and may have felt slightly insulted if it wasn’t so fucking funny.

Where do you keep your Pole Dancing Dolls?

And I am baaaaack. It’s been a while kiddos and cunts, but all the NYU craziness managed to work itself out. Note to self, something fixes nothing and nothing fixes everything. So if you’re about to be hit by a car, just sit back and relax, you’ll probably get a really good surgeon or something, I don’t know. I’m all moved in at NYU, things are going well, I suppose, I could give you a list as to why my roommates are probably crazy, but I won’t. I’m going to let all their little idiosyncrasies fester into cesspool of personality disorders for a just a leetle bit.

But while I’ve been having several nervous break downs, OD’ing on coffee, was hypnotized, faced caffeine withdrawal symptoms, almost passed out 4 times at a Nine Inch Nails concert, been eating from Halal carts at 3:00 am and turning the water on in the bathroom so I can poop without my roommates hearing, the world has still been turning and lots of fucked up shit has happened.

Speaking of shit! *rim shot*

Chocolate Daddy wants to get funky fresh

This man ^^^^ has been eating his own poopies. Don’t look surprised and don’t pretend to look surprised so that your friends won’t think you’re a racist. If it looks like a monkey and acts like a monkey…

James Orr put an immediate halt to his criminal trial Wednesday when he squeezed the contents of his colostomy bag onto the table in front of him and ate it.

“There was what appeared to be feces on the table and on the floor,” assistant Hamilton County prosecutor David Prem said.

A witness had just taken the stand in the case Wednesday when Norm Aubin, Orr’s attorney, said Orr leaned into him and asked if Aubin had anything to eat.

A shocked Aubin said he didn’t. Orr then said he was hungry and asked for food. Aubin ignored him.

That’s when Orr made a spectacle of taking his colostomy bag, worn on the outside of his body to collect his waste, and placing it on the table. He then squeezed it and looked to be eating it.

“It appeared he was eating his own (feces) at the table,” Aubin said.

The Sheriff’s deputy in the room shouted “What are you doing?” and then cuffed Orr and rushed him out of the courtroom.

The best part here is the use of the word “appeared,” he “appeared to be eating his own feces.” It was an APPARITION! This man is a grand illusionist because no criminal or convict would sink to such depths to get out of going to prison. Or WOULD THEY!?

“He’s a con man. He has over 50 aliases and has convictions in Ohio and New York for thefts and robberies,” Prem said.

“He’s done just about everything a person can do to avoid justice. He feigned (mental) incompetence” leading up to this trial, Prem said.

Orr was ordered to trial after court mental health workers deemed him mentally sound and a faker.

“I’m completely convinced his whole goal here is to cause as much mayhem as he can,” Prem said of Orr.

In this part however they speak quite matter-of-factly, no need to use “allegedly-s” here. He’s done EVERYTHING to avoid justice, meaning one thing really. Pretending to be crazy is one way of getting a get out of jail free pass, but I don’t think this guy understands how juries work. They’re actually made up of regular people who are susceptible to bias and their own preconceptions and baggage… eating your own shit probably isn’t going to help your chances.

Personally, I wish I was there, I’m sure eating your own feces creates some sort of vortex in the space time continuum it’s about the equivalent of a guy blowing himself, there are reasons why it’s impossible. It creates some sort of unnatural vicious recycling of byproducts. Either that or eating your own poo gives you instant diarrhea. Luckily Orbit’s gum was there to clean up the mess.

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Ah, it’s good to be back! And of course Lady GaGa doesn’t have a dick, nothing in life can be so clearly, beautifully and logically explained that easily.

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