Well, I haven’t been updating as frequently as I’d like to on the count of a slew of nervous breakdowns. Most obviously brought on by the fact that NYU decided to wait until yesterday to put my financial aid award together. Yesterday being a fuck load of time too late. In spite of my constant calling, emailing and doth protesting, it took me going there for them to go “ah jeeze, we should probably do this now.” And even in the end, I went from owing them 8 grand to 21 grand to 27 in a matter of 24 hours.
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That’s 27 grand for one year and that’s only private loans. Never mind all the government ones I had to take out. All NYU actually gave me in financial aid is 6 grand. With the thousands of students going there, you’d think they’d be able to offer up a smidgen more for someone who’s family’s gross revenue for the year is about 8 grand. (My mom gets social security because she is schizophrenic).
So now I have to pretend like it’s totally worth it, even though in the end I’ll only end up with a liberal arts degree, so I’ll just be working at Dunkin Donuts anyway.
“What would you like Madam? A donut? Well I will put that in a bag for you. Anything else? A coffee? I’ll put that in a cup. Oh would you like 12 donuts? I’ll put that shit in a fucking box.” Money well spent.
But after having several nervous breakdowns, I can say there is false sense of euphoria and lightheadedness. I at least now know why strippers strip and pimperz pimp. And who’d a thunk, incidentally enough, it’s probably for money, not because they like dancing or have an affinity for canes and sweet ass hats.
In any case, I am sick of educated people telling me to invest in my future and I am sick of everyone else saying “just do nothin’ with your life it’s cheaper =p lol” while all are well-intended sentiments, none of them are really helpful when you’re high off insanity and 65 cent coffee.
I hate complaining about this because everyone has to pay back loans. But I need to vent. Fuck, NYU.
Part of the reason why I left Sarah Lawrence was because of the blatant, nonchalant disrespect toward education and what it means to be educated. These loaded rich kids, can superficially piss and moan about Darfur, but have the audacity to bitch about the fact that their parents are making them go to school. I was in the counselors office once when I was getting a print out of my transcript, I happen to see some others, all Cs, Ds and Fs. I have all As. SLC wasn’t hard, no tests, 2 papers a semester, no homework. C’mon. It’s fucking annoying to me, to see people shit all over and not take advantage of something so unique. An education is a luxury, if you can afford it suck it dry. It fucking pisses me off. To take an education for granted is offensive to anyone who can’t get it (because of whatever circumstance)– it’s offensive to me.
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I’m sick of people shitting all over it and wasting it because of their own preconceived, hippie, babble bullshit notions or because they’re too stuck up their own shit to know how to utilize it. I am good at school, I like school, but I guess, I was just born in the wrong neighborhood.
So will the protagonist overcome her environment, class, circumstance? Oh, what great expectations we have… stay tuned.
God Damn that sucks……. I didn’t bother going to collage because my family is broke as hell especially after sending my sister to collage with invisible money that is still being paid back and I felt like I wasn’t up to it (graduated late and a terrible GPA.) Thanks for reminding me that I’m a puss though, I got all teary and shit while reading this :’( lol.
I’m not the smartest guy but it’s my fault for letting outside problems affect my grades. It got bad to the point that I didn’t do jack in school and basically failed every class for 2 1/2 years. I later joined a high school program called YABC, they got me a internship and gave me almost double the classes I could take per term. I graduated in 1 year, still a year late but better than never.
The internship I had was for a tech state job and all was well, they even payed me 7.15 an hour while in intern mode (normally 0 bucks). I was told by the other interns and everyone above me the I was the best there and how I was going to get a spot. I sometimes stayed there over 12 hours a day just to show that I was dedicated even though i wasn’t getting payed for all of that. I remember thinking that God works in mysterious ways for me to get a job at a place that I fit in so well and that is was so cool that a fuck up like me could get a job paying 15 and up an hour to start.
After a year the office shrunk 2 times to the point that they didn’t have space for the interns anymore and the office had to be split in two. I was offered a temp job for something completely different that would last about 4 months or that was it for me, I’m now 20 and on unemployment……
Why am I telling you all of this? Me no know lol. I really don’t yap about shit that bothers me to anyone so I guess this is a bootleg way to vent? Your a super awesome cool smart young lady, you have da power to get through this mess. It really does suck to see people that want to do something with their lives have such a hard time, keep the internet updated and no more nervous break downs please….. Funny that I’m trying to motivate someone when I’m so full of fail. O_o Best of luck to you, once you graduate your gonna be someone of awesome proportion! I hope Bill Gates stumbles onto this site or something to help out lol. If I ever get rich some magical way, I’m helping the shit out of people…..
Sorry for typing so much this totally isn’t my blog lol and like I said this isn’t normal for me to put all my business out there….
Basically illustrates my opinions on college as a scholarship kid commuting to a non-commuter school. I get livid when I see kids skipping class and drinking themselves into oblivion at a school that costs 50k when I have to get up at 6:00 to catch a train or avoid traffic. They bitch about getting up for an 8:30 class, but they can go from bedroom to class in ten minutes.
It’s annoying, but hopefully the experience of working hard for something will make me a better person or all that jazz. I didn’t go to NYU because they wanted me to pay 26k out of pocket every year. Just an insane sum of money. I don’t even know where it comes from to pay full price to these awesome schools.
But what’s worse is the false concern. If you’re paying 50k to go to one year of college that’s more than a lot of people will make in their lives. Don’t pretend to care about “issues” when you’re burning money like it’s going out of style.
I formally apologize for giving you college advice over the Internet. I am a douche bag.
I’m not going to tell you anymore advice, but coming from a similar background (mom on disability, no money to speak of) I find your experience all too familiar and I remember feeling really fucked because no one I knew had any experience with college at all, let along the money and the balancing act of work and school.
I went to a college that perused me because they needed more ethnic diversity. They offered me a scholarship, but I still owed 40k in student loans at the end of it. I remember the day when my at-college costs went from $100 bucks a month to $400 in a 24 hour period. I had already started classes and moved into my dorm, and all of a sudden I had to come up with and extra $300 a month from thin air. I didn’t think I could do it, and I was surrounded by richey-rich ass-holes who had no idea how good they had it and didn’t give a fuck.
But I’ve learned to be grateful for those kids because every time they fucked off, and failed to do an assignment they brought the curve down- making my B paper into an A, and every time they couldn’t articulate the simplest of concepts, that’s when my tired-as-fuck, worked 60 hours this week, didn’t really read the book classroom discussion seemed to make extra-sense. Unlike them, I couldn’t be at the top of my game because I had to be employed, but also unlike them I actually worked my ass off which put me ahead of them every single time.
I remember feeling really alone in college, and really afraid that it wouldn’t work out. I also felt inadequate next to all the (white)kids with money and parents. I was jealous of the fact that they got to fuck around and play and that I had to work, and I was afraid that I couldn’t do it. I used to have dreams where official looking people found me a dragged me screaming from the campus because I wasn’t supposed to be there, and letting me in had been a mistake. But for all that, it was the best thing I ever did, it taught me twice as much about life as it did academically. I wouldn’t trade my college experience for anybody’s.