First of all. This dumb bitch called 911 cause she thought she was locked in her car.
Stupid MF – Mindless Self Indulgence
Now, I’ve done and said some stupid things. I didn’t know “figs” were fruit until about a year ago, yeah I’ve heard of these mythical “fig trees” but I just thought that was a kind of tree. “Fig Newtons” were just a name, because, what is a “Newton,” anyway, right?
Maybe sometimes I think Kuwait is in Africa, maybe once I thought Florida was next to California, I’ve put forks in toasters, tripped UP stairs (it’s possible)… I even attest that Josie and The Pussycats is a good movie and I mean that sincerely.
I once had this very conversation, unironically and I shit you not:
Me: “I used to teach mentally disabled children how to embroider.”
Some Bitch: “Really? How old were they?”
Me: “They were in kindergarten and first grade.”
Some Bitch: “That’s young, wasn’t it hard for them, embroidering is kind of hard.”
Me: “What the fuck are you talking about?! Embroidering is easy–anyone could do it– A RETARD COULD DO IT!”
Some Bitch: “…”
Me: “Oh… right…”
Some Bitch: “…”
We all make mistakes, we all do unfathomably dumb shit sometimes, but pulling the locks up… Have we just become so used to complacency to a point where everything has to be done automatically, are you so far gone that you didn’t remember you could pull locks up… is this real?
Should Have Gone With The McRib
Next UP: A pimp pays some teenage bitch in Chicken McNuggets.
A MAN who pimped a 16-year-old schoolgirl paid her with chicken nuggets for having sex with men, a court has been told.
Ronald Vikash Gander, 27, and his 16-year-old girlfriend devised a plan to prostitute a teenage girl so they could afford the weekly $1050 rent on a serviced inner-Brisbane apartment, the Brisbane
District Court was told today.The court was told the girl made $4500 for having sex with five middle-aged men in June last year.
Gander and his girlfriend used the money for living expenses and paid the girl nothing except for the occasional box of chicken nuggets.
They “devised” a plan. Could you imagine that conversation.
“We need cash.”
“We need hoes”
“What do hoes want?”
“McNuggets!”
It wasn’t even a weekly payment of a 6-piece, it was the occasional box of McNuggets. If you recall Maury, you probably remember the girl who had sex for a pony tail weave, cheeseburger and fries. At least she got a whole meal and a makeover out of it. This poor girl only got McNuggets, no sides, no drinks, all that sodium and nothing to wash it down with. I guess that’s what the semen is for!
Now obviously the people who exploited this person are at greater fault, I mean they clearly deliberated. But how far gone do you have to be to fuck for McNuggets. McNuggets aren’t even good. The occasional 3-course for $9.99 at Applebees and now you’re talking! I’d rather get paid in those cheap spider rings you get on Halloween or a bag of peanut chews. McNuggets are fucking disgusting, christ…
The worst part is writing this post gave me a hankering.
This dumb bitch called 911 … She probably had no choice and had to call in 911. History of the fun, but not pleasant.
I’ve called 911 to pick up the pieces of my broken heart… After you left me there, in eternal love-pain.
Also, McDonalds is disgusting. They could have at least given her a gift card so she could get what she wanted.
Yup, you gave me a hankering too. I’m all ready to embroider. I got my needle, my thread, my finger condoms and my McNuggets. Now all i need is a retard to teach me how.
What kind of dipping sauce did she get with the McNuggets? If they were cool enough to get her barbecue sauce I think they deserve to walk.
josie and the pussycats isn’t a good movie? i was down with the punk rock prom queens.
fuck.
She was probably one of those embroidering retards. Maybe she thought it was gold?
Whatever, if you’re dumb enough to have sex for McNuggets (which isn’t even real food) then you don’t deserve money.