Archive for January 22nd, 2009

I was going to write this yesterday but I was too exhausted. Then Lost was on for like 3 hours, and then I fell asleep. But I got an internship at an online teen magazine a couple of weeks ago, which means I have finally become a slave to the internet. I won’t name the site I work for, I don’t need to start burning bridges just yet, besides the people there are nice and I do enjoy working there.

But my christ, none of the other interns have to do all the shit that I do. And I am not complaining, I signed up for this, it wouldn’t even bother me, if I didn’t have to see the other intern on facebook all day.

Well anyway, yesterday, niggas was testin’ me.

First I had to google a bunch of shit, which is fine. But then I had to find funny videos and that took forever because nothing can have profanity, and wtf is it with people loving to keep everything clean for the first 5 1/2 minutes then bam! at the end cunt, fuck, shit. So, everything is already going slower, and I have a list of tasks to complete.

All of a sudden, I get an instant message, because everyone in the office communicates via aim, telling me that I have to go outside to Times Square (which is pretty close) and give out fliers in the cold. They give us a list of  locations, Toys R Us, the Hershey Store, etc. Of course I am dumb and for the first ten minutes go inside Toys R Us and start talking to all the lame asses playing Dance Dance Revolution.

Asians like it when you talk to them, white people just get scared.

So then I run into the other intern and realize I am supposed to be outside. Talking to people on the street is weird, especially when half of them are foreigners and the rest are “Entrepreneurs” trying to get to point B.

Again, white people just get scared, Asians half engage and black men think I am hitting on them. I am desperate to give this shit away, and of course in Times Square there are a bunch of howlers trying to give away fliers. So, I decide, hey, why not trade with them?

And that works, until I try to trade with this one dude.

Me: Let’s trade.
Him: OK, what is this?
Me: Free Xbox (that’s just what I say, it’s quick and to the point, the little fliers are for an xbox give away the company is having, whatevz)
Him: This is a card not an xbox. (He’s so sassy!) Are they paying you for this?
Me: No. >=/ (Thanks for reminding me douche!)

He hands me a card. I look at it. It says something like: The Beginning of Dianetics: A 15 minute Film.

Nigga is a Scientologist.

I explain that the card is for an Xbox contest and that it’s not a scam because I am the one who actually has to package all the prizes and shit.

The Son of Xenu: You should REALLY come see this movie.
Me: No, I have to give this shit out.
The Son of Xenu: But, YOU REALLY SHOULD. It’s WARM INSIDE. There are aliens inside you, dark one!
Me: I have to be back soon, but I promise I’ll come back. *WINK*

Then he started to drool and flashy thing’ed me like in Men In Black. What-the-fuck-ever, it’s not as if I can afford to be a Scientologist, I don’t even get paid Mexican-Wages.

My hands are numb, I head back to the office. They tell me I have to take a bunch of packages to the post office (after work). I have no sense of direction. After walking in a half-mile circle, I find it. I have large envelopes and letters. They already have the postage, so all I have to do is put them in the drop boxes.

I should preface this with saying, I am dumb. I am really tired at this point. There are two drop-offs. One that says letters and the other says large envelopes. I start putting all the large envelopes in the letter drop-off. It’s just one of those moments where you see the thing, you think you’re reaching for it, but you just step on your glasses instead of picking them up.

The thing is, there are five people hovering around me, just looking at me like I am a retard. None of you can say?! C’MON. I know they know which is the right thing, because every time I stop to get more packages, they put their large envelopes in the right slot and their letters in the other one. This is how I realize I am dumb.

So, who knows where those packages will go? Sorry to all you kids who won prizes. /shrug.

The day can’t get any better! I get on the express train, which bypasses my stop. The next stop is too close to wait for another train to go back on, but it’s far enough for it to be an inconvenience. As I am getting out of the subway, I trip up the stairs and crush the Styrofoam container that my dinner is in. Fun! Then I am so out of it, that for 3 blocks I walk in the opposite direction of my house!

Today, I have a soar throat and cold from standing out in the cold.

HURRAY FOR FREE LABOR!

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