Archive for January 19th, 2009
I am going to deposit some money in the bank. The teller booths are closed so I decide to do it electronically. I am standing in line at the Washington Mutual ATM. Yes, the black people bank.
But I am in midtown, so fear not, I will not be robbed on Black People Day in the financial district. All the coloreds are out celebrating Equal Rights by making chicken fried kool-aid and buying the “new jordans.”
“I kno its uh a recession, but i gotta maintain mah swagguh.”
I am standing in line, a moderately sized line, the guy in front of me is all antsy. He goes to the ATM, withdraws some money, and quickly jets away. I go to the ATM and instead of it telling me to insert my card, it asks me if there is anything else i would like to do. I hit NO and of course at this time it says “Don’t forget to take you card.” This stupidfuck’s card comes out, I go outside and he is blocks and blocks away, i cannot see him, he is lost in the crowd of white guys wearing black pea coats and carrying leather briefcases.
This isn’t the first time it has happend to me, I think it’s the third time, some guy forgets his card. Now, I know it’s an honest mistake. I know you need your crystal meth money ASAP. But jeezus.
I guess with me, the glass is always half empty, because I stand their and wait for my card, assuming that something will go wrong and the ATM will devour it.
I go to starbucks and I am low on cash. Now why would I go to starbucks to get coffee if I had no money. I don’t know. But JEFFREY I. CAMPBELL seemed douchey and I thought he could treat me to a Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Since we both have the exact same card my plan was to hand the cashier his and if anything went wrong, I would just say “oh I thought it was my card, this is my boyfriends, tehehehe aren’t clumsy.”
But of course, I pussed out. I am lame. I wouldn’t want anyone spending my cashola. It’s just not cool, even though he looked well off. It’s just rude. I am going to call and report it lost *sigh*.
But on the bright side I stole a pair of sunglasses the other day. To-may-to. To-mah-toe. I am going to hell. Honestly if you saw me come on in with a bright teal pair of sunglasses, then saw me leave with a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses, it’s your fault.
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