Some time ago, I made this post about Lori Beth Denberg. I thought it would be funny, because she is so obscure and irrelevant, to say she is dead. I thought it was obviously a joke. Just look at this video montage.
Even though I posted this months ago, I still randomly get emails and comments from people yelling at me because I insulted the honor of Lori Beth Denberg, because they really need to know if she is dead, because she is most obviously an important cultural-historical-social figure in the year 2009.
Some say, “What would Hay-sus do?” I say “What would a fat, irrelevant, unfunny childstar do?” and apparently lots of people say this too.
But moreover the thing is, right after I posted this post, someone sent me an email with a website saying she was actually stabbed dead. Of course I felt like an asshole, but that obscure website was the only one making the claim, not that there are any actual websites that would so much as mention Irrelevance Personified in the form of a Fat Bitch.
In fact I’ve spread this propaganda to the extent that there is a yahoo answers page on it.
But the truth is I do not know if Lori Beth Denberg is alive or dead? She is certainly dead in all of our minds and we only ever chose to remember her when we thought for a second that she might be physically dead.
What I am trying to say is… I don’t really care. But what I am really trying to say is I declare January 11th Lori Beth Denberg Day. Because whether she is truly alive or dead is irrelevant, but why not take a moment to remember the one mediocre, fat, fat bitch that somehow managed to get on television and into our hearts. Even though no one ever liked her because she was so fat. v_v
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Lori’s last performance was during 2006 for 18 Fingers of Death!, a martial arts mock-umentary. Wikipedia also cites her as being 32 years old and alive, despite the unfortunate stabbing incident which may or may not have occured. On that note, here is a brief message for NationMaster.com - pwnt, biatch.
I hear she’s living a private life in North Hollywood!
She aint a fat bitch, so what when people are overweight. You have no respect in people, you ratialtard. Lots of people love lori beth. Shut up. She is living privately. : ()
Your jealous cause people hate u and love her.
Why in the fuck do you hate Lori Beth. My god. If I met you Id kill you.
ur stupid, u deleted those messages, cause u didnt likem. so sensitive. mother fucken bitch
My darling, Lori Beth was funnier than most of your blog posts are.
L. B. has been in several hit movies and TV shows. Which ones have you been in? WHO is irrelevant here?
this was poorly written, but i think it is funny to try and take a shot at lori beth denburg. she is an easy target and im surprised it wasnt done before. but as u can see no one likes u to mess with an american sweethart, even if we havent heard from her in a while!! lol
what a load of crap.
lori beth is sooo hot