And we’re back from a long break. Turkey Coma is over. Terrorism continues. Recession is official. Vince Vaughn is gay.

But let’s get to the important stuff that counts!

So have you heard of Puppy Cam? If you have a life, probably not. If you don’t lure small children into your home for kid diddling, probably not. If you’re not asian, probably not. But boy howdy if YOU HAVE, your quality of life has just been diminished by oh, let’s say: 9%

!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAYHAPPYFUNDEATHKILLMURDERHAPPY!!!!!!

In case you haven’t figured out what Puppy Cam is, I’ll explain. Let’s see, there’s puppies! and a camera! and the camera is on the puppies! You’re all caught up now.

LIVE XXX NUDE XXX UNDERAGE XXX BITCHES XXX GAYS-4-PAY XXX

In case you’re wondering who would watch Puppy Cam? What kind of pervs would watch puppies 24/7 just hopping and skipping and playing around with young prepubescent puppy assholes, soft puppy fuuuur and delicate nipples…

Other than George Michael, David Faustino and more recently Shia Labeouf…. none other than OUR favorite Feminist Unicorn. Yaaaaay! Hurraaaaay this blog writes itself!!! Weeeee!!!!

Fatty Patty likes to watch puppy cam, but of course she can’t merely watch the computer screen or even settle for licking it (in hopes of eating the delicious puppies inside).

Fatty Patty must giggle profusely, make squeaking noises and clap at how happyawesomefuntime the puppies are as they do nothing but sleep and jump around for 24 hours. Of course she does this so that I will turn around and say:

“WHAT IS THIS AWESOME THING THAT YOU ARE WATCHING AT THIS CURRENT JUNCTURE, YO?”

then she would say: “PUPPY CAM ROCK IT, LET’S HATE OUR LIVES TOGETHER POETIC POETRY STYLE HAPPY, WEEE, NO MORE PESKY EYEBROW HAIRS FOR US!”

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