Archive for December, 2008
We all make New Years resolutions. But we all know you fatties are still fat and you smokers still cough up gross loogies.
A) So I’ve made itty bitty goals and since I am telling the internet it makes things more official.
B) Get a job! I’ve applied to every job in NYC someone must want me.
C) Finish Writing a Book: I’ve been working on two projects, one specifically for this blog and another linked short story collection.
D) Read The Following books because I probably should have already:
- The Great Gatsby
- The Chocolate War
- JPod
- The Things They Carried
- Harriet the Spy
- Short Cuts
- Trailer Park
- A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genuis
- Me Talk Pretty One Day
- Sellevision
E) Cut down on coffee.
F) Figure out this insomnia.
G) Get into a new college with a good writing program.
H) Get something published, somewhere.
I) Learn to do something that I don’t already know how to do.
What are your New Years Resolutions?
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Some family found $10,000 in a box of crackers.
IRVINE, Calif., Dec. 28 (UPI) — Members of a California family say they saved an elderly woman from losing her life savings of $10,000 she had hidden in a box of crackers.The Rogoff family of Irvine found the $10,000 in a box of Annie’s Sour Cream and Onion Cheddar Bunny crackers, The Orange County (Calif.) Register reported Sunday.
Allie, Sandra, Max and their parents, Debra and Joe Rogoff counted out the $100 bills and took pictures of each other before calling police.
“We just thought, this is someone’s money. We would never feel good about spending it,” said Debra Rogoff.
The police contacted Whole Foods in Tustin, where the crackers had been purchased, and learned an elderly customer had reported returning a box of crackers without realizing she had stashed her life savings in there.
Returned food usually goes to a composting facility, but the box apparently made its way back onto the shelf and in the hands of the Rogoffs, police said.
The Rogoffs said they never heard from the woman after she got her money back, but they did receive a free box of crackers from Whole Foods.
I quote the whole article because all of it is important. First of all did they have to specify that it was Annie’s Sour Cream and Onion Cheddar Bunny Crackers ? Did the company pay for the ad?
Anyway, if I found 10,000 dollars I would feel really guilty about keeping it, but I know that I would. It’s just too much money not to steal. And this dummy dunce old lady is keeping it in a box of crackers.
You know this old lady is a cunt very particular anyway, because who returns a box of crackers? They must have been in her cabinet for a while too for her to confuse the box with the one with her life savings. And if you are going to keep your life savings in a box of crackers why would you keep that in your regular food cabinet?
And if you are an old enough lady to think that keeping your life savings in a box of crackers is the proper thing to do then you should know that your memory probably sucks, but I guess you forgot about that while you were taking a dump on yourself.
The old bitch didn’t even thank them. Old crotchety ho. Would you have kept the money?
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Merry X-Mas to Everyone but Abby!
Waaah Abby with the IP address:
206.174.94.32
Abby couldn’t help commenting twice: “funny, but you really are pretty unpleasant. do you have any friends?” and “wooooow. you’re a really obnoxious douchebag.”
It’s interesting that someone who is spending their time reading old blog posts of mine on X-Mas is making a dig about how lonely I am.
If this blog is the only gift you have on X-Mas, to reference another old obsure blog post, you’re probably homeless and you’ve printed these pages out to eat them.
But by all means if you need to read this blog to get away from your family, go right ahead.
Anyway:
Waaaah! Did I ruin someone’s Christmas with my absurdly old post about The Dark Knight? Oh, but she couldn’t help commenting on Dear Paul Aunt, either. Interesting. Paul’s old eleventeen year old girlfriend is mad because I made fun of how he was murdered. Wah! Well, I’m sure once Abby realizes she wasn’t actually his girlfriend just another ole Tuesday Date Rape she’ll get over it.
Well, I’m glad someone else finally hates this blog because it isn’t good. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if I insight a vendetta on you because of your opinions… look, just don’t be hatin’ cause I’ll have a lot more fun hatin’ on all you chicken heads. Cluck! Cluck!
This show is dumb. But I keep watching it. Don’t ruin it or anything. I only began this long tedious journey because it was on streaming netflix. I am at the beginning of volume three. My brother told me that it follows comic book logic and fine I will accept that. I will accept that everyone can die 80 times and that even though I know EVOLUTION DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY…
I swear to jebus. There is no reason why a human would need to fly or shoot flames out of his palms. There is nothing in our enviornment or way of life that would make us develop the ability to fly and if we did need to fly we wouldn’t just be able to start floating…. We have airplanes. Christ. Humans get smarter that is how we evolve and we lose vestigial organs that we don’t need, like our apendix and wisdom teeth.
Can’t we just pretend that everyone on Heroes is magic, can we please stop using fake science to explain things, this is why children are dumb. Of course half the people in this country think evolution is stupid, they think we’re saying one day we’ll be able to shoot Plutonium out of our assholes.
None of the plots on the show really pan out either, the whole first season was basically a waste because it was a build up to climax that never happened. It was just the next season and the future was saved, except now the future is bad again because we changed that future. Seriously? We can do better than this.
I’ve never seen a show move slower without having any filler episodes. The show has too many characters and even in season three most of them don’t understand their connection to one another. Whoever is writing this nonsense needs to understand that you don’t always have to start at the beginning for fucks sake.
Every fucking episode introduces a new character that slows down the plot because we have to watch them be born and go to soccer practice and go to the bathroom… every detail isn’t as important as they make it seem. The storyline where Hiro is in 1671 could have been one episode not 800. God that was so boring.
But I am still going to watch out of principle.
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