Archive for November 7th, 2008
But, what does this mean FOR ME?
Obama is by far the greatest, best, infallible, nicest, awesomest, pristine, man that ever lived in the whole world, so much so that by thinking the words HOPE and CHANGE your mind is transported into an alternate universe where Pegasuses give you hand jobs and feed you delicious brownies AND you never get full!
This seems to be the general consensus about the man, personally I’ve never met him, but apparently everyone I know has, and he is the.fucking.best.
Now, I don’t mean to take a shit in all of your mouths, I voted for the guy and was super excited and a few tears escaped when he won, but now that this victory high that resonates of KFC and do-rag is done with, let’s consider the facts.
His middle name IS Hussein. And there was this guy Sadam Hussein. And Sadam sounds like Sodom. And Sodom is the ROOT of Sodomy. Obama is gay. Sooooooooo Gay. YES on Prop 8, not because I hate gays, I just hate gay weddings and refuse to be apart of your tacky “commitment ceremonies.” Fuck you and your candle lightings!
But let’s get back to the real issue at hand. What does this mean for *ME* ? Seeing as we’re all self-serving assholes, let’s get to the meat of this new presidency.
- Jeri Curls will make a comeback.
- White folk will have to shower, ’cause Teniqua told me y’all smell like wet dog.
- Any states below the Mason-Dixon line will be jedisoned into outer-space.
- Texas will become the tenth ninth planet.
- Texas will create a glass dome in order to keep out the Aliens.
- Texas will be known as the Snow Globe Confederacy.
- Russia will take over Texas.
- The Alamo will be forgotten.
- Mexicans will infiltrate the remainder of the United States.
- California will be over-populated and the weight of ten trillion Mexicans will cause California to break off into the Pacific.
- Barack Obama fearing the end of the world, will Divinely Intervene, with the flinch of his fairy limp wrist his magic wand will restore the Union far more epically than Abe Lincoln ever did.
- Everyone will be turned into gay men, with hard pecks, and tight assholes.
- Chaps will be assless, only.
- E and Crystal Meth will be legalized.
- Then we dance! *oontz oontz*
- Then the fascist regime begins. v_v
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