Archive for October, 2008

I quit my job at the library because it is sooo excruciatingly boring that I just stopped going for two weeks, lied about being sick, then just quit cause I cannot stand this shit hole. So, I am not allowed to ever complain about my money until I get a new job.

So Jennifer Hudson’s life sucks lately, huh? But she has no idea what I am going through because Fatty Patty tracked in foot fungus, gross.

Also I don’t know if I mentioned this, but she has a giant unicorn poster now. And she cut out letters to say Unicorn of the Week and she clips out people’s heads and pastes them on the unicorn. I hope you didn’t think I was joking when I called her the Feminist Unicorn.

You crazy, crazy, fat, fat bitch.

Anywaaaaaay. Some college student chick got semen thrown on her head. She didn’t know what it was so she went to the hospital and they told her. I think we’ve all seen the first American Pie where the guy pisses over a balcony onto someone’s head. That is feasible.

Now I am not saying it isn’t feasible that a man, probably a frat guy after a long day’s date rape and soggy biscuitin’ may want to relieve himself over the balcony, but I am sure it requires a bit more calculation to “buss uh nut” on a girls head at the exact moment she is going by.

My point is I think it was FOUL PLAY!

“We have had a history of that type of behavior in the building in the past years, and I think they want to make sure there is not a resurgence of such behavior,” said Richardson. “So, it’s about making a statement that we will not accept this behavior, and (we) also (want to) gather information from anyone who might have been in the area at the time.”
Anyone with information on the incident is asked to contact the University of Wisconsin-Madison Police Department.

How does your school have a history of people getting jizzed on from balconies? Someone was storing jizz to launch over the balcony. Good I am glad someone is having fun at college. This would never happen at my school, at my school they would just throw origami rainbows at you and when you unfold them there’s chocolate inside to warm your heart. >=/ How gay.

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Pepsi has a new logo, weee. I personally think, it makes the sodas look like giant pill capsules and the Mountain Dew logo clearly panders to the text-messaging demographic. MMMM I LOVE DRUGS AND CELLPHONES I WILL DEFINITELY LOVE MOUNTAIN DEW. TASTE LIKE PLUTONIUM AND SUGAR, MMM LOOK AT IT GLOW!

Speaking of drugs, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew has started and it is dee-liscious, mmm. Steven Adler’s hair is still luscious as ever! I am pretty convinced he is in love with Slash and simply cannot deal with his confusing emotions.

I am actually too busy to write anything well thought out so I am just trying to confuse you with pictures and video. Look at how long this post is! Look! I have homework to do. Eat my butt.



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This was a couple of days ago and I’ve been meaning to write about it. I am on the subway train from the Bronx to Manhattan. As soon as I get in the cart there is this loud Black guy and loud Indian guy, they are both “urban” ghettofied. The Black Guy is singing like a rasta man and the Indian guy is gyrating his booty to dance like a girl. It is very loud. They are so loud that I can’t hear the music in my iPod.

I am eye rolling left and right. They start singing some more and some random Mexican guy starts drumming on the seat right next to me. Die. They come up to this Jamaican Girl and start singing Sean Paul or something to her. She starts giggling. Die. Then she says, “Do you have any Luther Vandross?” What dimension am I in?

Then all of a sudden the train stops in the tunnel. WTF? I see that I have service and I start text messaging my friends about these annoying negros who are now singing to some Puerto Rican girl asking her if she has a boyfriend, they are singing in Spanish now, real renaissance men.

Now they are asking for money and texting on my phone in my purse. The Black Guy sings these words to me:

“I thought u was going in your purse to gimme some money, but instead u texting on your phone, u kno u ain’t get no service down here, why u playin with yourself giirl?”

Kill Me.

Now he is at the other end of the train singing to some old lady, who’s 81st birthday it is. Her name is Rosa. Why do I have all of this information about a stranger? I don’t know. Only in New York people. Only in New York. He starts singing to her and saying she looks good for her age and she does. She looks 50 or 60, you go girl, Rosa.

Then all of a sudden he has the whole train singing happy birthday to her. The WHOLE train. Not me, because I am observing and soaking this in. But I am passed being annoyed at this point and more interested in this ridiculousness.

The train moves again, now we are making our way through Manhattan and there are “white folks” coming in the cart. Whites love their Minstrels, so the sight of a singing black man fills them with glee. Black Guy makes his way back to Jamaican girl and starts singing Brian McKnight to her, you know the song with the counting, 1 you’re like a dream come true, 2 something something rhymes with true, that one. The whole train in unison does the counting part and the Whites do it with extra pizazz.

Now the Indian Guy is going around asking for money, saying “If you sung you better give us some cash,” and he stands in front of the person until they fill obligated to donate. They are good businessmen.

Then Black Guy while hitting on Jamaican Girl announces his phone number for the ladies, but he says no fags, because he’s not a ‘mo but he loves you queers anyway.

And that was my train ride.

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We have to write nine sentence stories for my creative writing class and since I am doing that assignment now why not multitask. You can see how the magic happens! You can see the rigorous course work at a $55,000 private university!

Once upon time there was a pretty albino girl. There was also a bitch, past her prime, actress that wanted to be beautiful. There were seven midgets too, but I don’t quite see how they are significant players or relevant to the main storyline at all.

The bitch actress had sent bounty hounters, again and again, to kill the albino girl, but they always came back with no body, as the girl would seduce them with handjobs. Fed up, the bitch actress used the magic of hollywood to disguise herself as a crack lady, she sold the poor albino girl bad mushrooms in the back of a seven/eleven. The albino girl went on the worst trip of her life!

Because the economy was in the shitter, the Artist Formally Known as Prince had been living in a cardboard box behind the seven/eleven. He kissed the Albino girl and serenaded her with the song Little Red Corvette, but she would not come down. He thought of taking her to the hospital but instead he skinned her pearly white flesh and wore it like a jumpsuit so that he could be beautiful too.

[Fin.]

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