Archive for September 25th, 2008

David Blaine is full of poopy clumps. The “magician” was supposed to be hanging suspended upside down in Central Park for two days. Buuuut, here’s the catch, every hour he has to come down and get checked up by doctors so that he doesn’t die.

AMAZING! I am a magician too, look I’m hanging upside down on the monkey bars, now I’m not, now I am! How did I do that? Oh you don’t know? Well ask yourself this then, how did I do that and NOT DIE?! OOOH SHEIT. I’m made of Pegasus Doo Doo and Eye of Newt. I AM WITCHCRAFT, niggas.

This stunt is probably the most pointless thing in the history of ever. More pointless than all those extra buttons on a Universal Remote.

Putting yourself through physically strenuous tasks is not magic. Those dudes in Strong Man contests, NOT MAGICIANS. Charles Barkley is not a magician. Magic Johnson of course he is, that jigaboo must be using voodoo to still be alive with all that AIDS up in him. But still…

There’s is nothing mysterious about anything David Blaine does, but at least in the past we could all laugh at him for having to shit on himself in a fish tank or an ice cube.

Now, C’MAHN! C’MAAAAAAHN. You’re not even trying, Sir. How about you fight a fucking capybara. OMG if you could fisticuff a fucking capybara, how would that not be amazing…

You could fisticuff basically any large rodent and I’d be sold… a duckbill platypus for fucks sake you have sooooo many options, David Blaine, but you choose douche instead…

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