Archive for September 22nd, 2008
My name is Sassy. S-A-S-S-Y and I am addicted to being a cooooont or cunt if ya’ nasty.
I may be a little late on this hip new trend, but A&E’s Intervention is fucking awesome. Apparently you can be addicted to anything, no matter how lame you are the world is full of vices customizable to you!
Keyboard Duster, Cough Syrup, Bacon, Asshole, Video Games, Construction Paper Children Holding Hands, and even Wind Chimes.
Anything in life that gives you just a little too much pleasure probably means you are an addict. And of course addiction is a legitimate disease. So when you show up late for work just tell your boss you’re addicted to tardiness and if he tells you to stop being a smart ass, just tell him you’re addicted to being a douchebag, then you obligatorily punch him in the throat to prove that you aren’t kidding!
“I guess you’re just going to have to INTERVENE, Mr. Bagginstein!”
Having a monodriven swollen spleen doesn’t give me many options and Intervention fills this whole 24 hour block of free time in my daily planner. (Do people still use those things? Do people still even write?)
One of my favorites is Tim. Tim is a pretty boy, pop singer addicted to crack! I am pretty convinced he was faking it and did all of this for the free hugs at the end.
What’s awesome about Tim is that after flushing $300 worth of drugs down the toilet because he was paranoid from being on drugs, he goes to his girlfriends house to get money that he gave her to hold so that he wouldn’t buy more drugs. She isn’t home but her daddy is, he calls up his girlfriend from her house and in front of her dad calls, her a bitch and tells her he is going to find her and get his crack money.
This isn’t the good part, the good part is when he proceeds to steal her computer, a fucking huge computer. When Daddy tries to stop him, he yells I GOT A RECEIPT. <3 ! After carefully dismantling the computer and removing it of his parts, Tim is too lame to just smash it on the floor, he literally crawls into a whole in a swamp to die and the producers have to get him out. Amazing.
The thing about addiction is that I get it is a serious, legitimate disease. The behavior you exhibit on your addiction is supposed to be not you. But to me, these addicts are whiny little bitches that turn to drugs because they are so self-involved.
After watching many episodes of this show I am not convinced that drugs make you a Prima Donna Princess, I am convinced that being a Princess often makes you turn to drugs.
Almost everyone on this show’s addiction stems from their parents getting divorced. They are not only children, their siblings don’t turn to drugs, they do. I am not belittling their circumstances or tribulations, I am merely positing that a certain personality type is more susceptible to drug use, the whiny-bitch personality type.
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