Lindsay Lohan’s 45-year-old tranny uncle is still posing as her little sister. *Sigh*

While I understand that Twinkies contain a many preservatives and are plenty delicious, using the cream filling as beauty cream so that you can beguile the world into thinking you are middle-aged little girl, is just scary Uncle Ali.

Just plain scary. Please stop. And please stop singing horrible “hip-hop” songs.

You’re from Long Island, please stay there.

But I suppose is not your fault considering that Dina Lohan (a.k.a. The Supreme Master of Long Island and Madam C. J. Walker’s Orange Tan, Yes I Can, Beauty For White Bitches™ ) probably won’t let you quit.

Being paid in Twinkies and Lip Gloss isn’t so bad though. I mean lip gloss is cool right, there is nothing weird or stupid about saying, hey this part of my body needs to be ESPECIALLY SHINY.

And don’t worry all that jewelry around your neck only makes you YOUNGER, BEAUTIFULLER and they totally hide your tit implants.

Thanks for existing so that we all feel a whole lot better about our lives. Whereas The Jonas Brothers are a sign of the apocalypse you are a sign of my self-respect. <333

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Posted: August 28th, 2008 under rant.
Comments: 3