Okay so I saw Batman in IMAX yesterday and it was good; there was a man dressed like a bat kind of, blah, blah blah, etc. But I did realize something, that no matter how much I was “into” the movie. No matter how much a lot of it made sense thematically, my suspension of disbelief could not take over.

There is a man dressed like a Bat, fighting a craaaaaaazy clown. Motherfuck, I’d hate to live in Gotham City. All I want to do is my goddamned groceries and this Dark-Knight-Drag-Queen-Talking-Like-Fuck has to drive his huge funny-shaped-mobile through the supermarket cause the villain of all villains is in town. Well, it’s always gonna be the villain of all villains. And while crime rates might be down, death rates have certainly increased because every time the silly man in a suit wants to save the day I am certain 20 people die in the crossfire.

The movie is very silly, when you think about it. But when you really think about it all movies and TV series are pretty fucking silly. Art only imitates life to a certain degree. I’ve never seen 24, but I am pretty sure the real Jack Bauer’s life isn’t THAT hectic. I’m sure every hour of the day isn’t all terrorist and bombs or whatever the fuck happens on that show. I’m sure every now and again he stops and has a breakfast burrito, takes a dump and listens to some William Shatner CDs. I don’t know, maybe he does. What the fuck do I know? Like I said I don’t watch the show.

P.S. Wasn’t the president black on that show? We all know that’s neeeeeeever going to happen. Ha!

Moreover, realism is fucking boring as fuck. Movies that try to have scenes that happen in real time or that try to emphasize the mundane, ordinariness of our lives, uuuuugh. See every fucking Gus Van Sant ever made, no actually don’t because they all go like this. “………………………………………………………………………………………….”

Good drama is realistic events within the context of a less likely situation. Dark Knight achieves this. Most movies don’t. Yet something about it couldn’t pull me in 100%. I mean, the new Indiana Jones movie was suuuuuch shit, but I could believe Shia LaBeouf was THAT tan for the role and not because he is kind of a douche in real life. It could have been the size of the screen…

In any case, Dark Knight was probably more well written than most superhero movies and while it was kind of long for a PG 13 flick, the length didn’t bother me at all. I was surprised that Heath Ledger didn’t suck. That nigga dies and all of a sudden he was the greatest actor of all time.

The Order, yeah that was 10 thousand stars! Grunting in Brokeback Mountain like he had testicles in his mouth the whole time, that was good acting, just like Sling Blade. I guess all faggets are really retards! Life lessons this man has left us with.

Anyway, at the end of the day: No matter how advanced our future is and how much pr0n we can torrent in a nanosecond, we will always need writers because under no circumstances will our normal lives become any more interesting. NO CIRCUMSTANCES!

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Posted: July 28th, 2008 under movies, pop culture, rant, reviews, writing.
Comments: 3