I had a bike when I was young but I was only allowed to ride it around the block in a circle as not to be snatched by kid diddlers and the likes. Now that I am older and I have a bike it’s almost as though every bike ride is an adventure.

For instance, a couple of days ago, I rode my bike down to the 7/11. It’s about a mile and a half away and I am too much of a pussy to ride in the street as the main street that runs between here and there is a highway. So after blocks and blocks of weeding through and trying to dodge old ladies and pedestrian children, I swear to god why the fuck do people think it’s totally okay to just clog and loiter the goddamned streets?

Oh, it’s a nice day out, I guess I will take all 25 of my family to sit on some plastic crates directly on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building so that Sassy will have to stop every time she peddles an inch as not to run over the three month old child of my seven year old daughter. By the way, I am a cunt.

Annnnyway, I ride down to the 7/11 (the only 7/11 in the whole Bronx) and get myself a slurpee and some disgusting delicious, quality taquitos! (That’s mexican for $1.33 worth of shit.) I get my evening breakfast while my bike is chained up to the traffic meter outside. As I am walking out of the 7/11 some rowdy young gangstas enter. One of them says to me, “I love you.” I think to myself, that is an odd think to say to a stranger! Pip, pip! Carry on, young lads!

I go over to my bike and gulp down my delicious crystal light slurpee, why not make a “healthy” choice when you’re going for shit food?! There are two men standing outside of the 7/11 in Jay and Silent Bob like fashion enjoying some hot dogs. I hadn’t remembered seeing them there so they had probably come out of the store some time after me and set up camp.

As the group of young Gs exit a dialogue occurs between them and the black men standing outside.

Black Dude: “Why yoo dispectin’ women like that yo’?”

Young G: “Huh?”

Black Dude: “Tell yuh friend to stop dispectin’ women like that, maaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaan. That could be yuh motha’, yuh sista’ sumbawdies wifey, yo’”

After this goes on for ten minutes the black man comes over and tells me that the young lads were “dispectin’ my womenz bawdies, yo.” I had obviously heard the whole conversation and knew it was about me, but pretended to ignore it because it was far too awesome to try and appease by saying, “I honestly don’t give a shit, /shrug.”

The thing I found interesting about the whole situation was, well first of all, who gives a shit if a bunch of twelve year olds want to fake hit on me? But secondly, there’s this whole thing with brown people where women are basically treated like hos, but god forbid if anyone talks about YOUR mother. Your mother who was probably a cunt. I am obviously making generalizations, but I mean, you see it on TV.

Black women portrayed as super trashy, ghetto hos. Unless they are old. There is never an old black women on TV that doesn’t encompass all the world’s wisdom in her single teat. I always wonder how these stereotypes start and whose end are they being perpetuated. How the same crack whores grow up to be so smart and deep and can see any situation objectively while still adding a touch of that black flava! Mhmmm, guuuuuuurl, Amirite?! Fuck you, I know I am. You bitch.

In any case, I think it’s quite sad that I after being defended by some random dude, I still don’t quite believe him. I mean what the fuck do I know, he could be a feminist right? With those corn-rolls and that Rocawear T-shirt, him and Rosie the Riveter. And yet still I believe he goes home and beats the shit out of his wife. Oh TV, how you’ve corrupted my mediocre little heart!

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Posted: July 23rd, 2008 under pop culture, racism, rant, stupid people, tv.
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