Families are weird. No matter how much you care about them or how good the people in it are, there’s still that feeling of, “uuuuugh, I hate these fuckers.” Now, sometimes you do, for whatever reason, end up hating your family. I however do not. But, my god, if I have to spend time with these people…

It’s strange because things usually start to go awry with your parents when you get old enough to form your own opinions and then with siblings as you start to form your own lives. Why the fuck doesn’t anyone ever grow up to agree with their parents?

I’ll tell you a bit about my family. My mother is schizophrenic. Yup, she’s crazyboos. She suffered from amnesia for a while, then she later, after snapping out of that (a couple years after I was born) became schizo. She adamantly believes that she was kidnapped by Russian spies when she was nine years old and they are using her nine year old body to see into the future through her nine year old eyes as she grows up. I dunno how she managed to get two bodies, but I am sure if I asked I’d get some confabulated answer.

My dad is an immigrant from the Dominican Republic, he came to America when he was pretty young escaping the war that had been going on and the one in which his father fought in that caused him to go crazy and attempt to shoot and kill his whole family including my dad. My dad is dyslexic and being ESL he never learned to read English properly and so the only work he does is of the blue-collar, Security Guard sort.

My brother (5 years older) dropped out of high school when he was 16, taught himself web and graphic design, then decided he wanted to make mad internets bank and became apart of the internet pr0n biz. He makes a shit load of money and works at home, yup, he’s been upgraded from brown trash to white trash and you can thank him for the spiffy makeover here. Holla at his pr0n.

In spite of how absurd everyone is, and how much in retrospect I can attribute all my weird idiosyncrasies, I really like my family. The way I look at it is this way, everyone from where I come from gets knocked up, gets dead or gets prisoned, me and my bro have not, I guess my parents are doing somethin’ right.

We were never raised with religion although my parents identify as Catholics they believe finding God is an individual’s spiritual path and that they can’t force it on anyone else. Quite frankly that is bullshit, my parents were just too lazy to take us to church (waking up early is a bitch when you’re a pot head) and were quite disappointed that my bro and I ended up being atheist/agnostic. Not that it ever became a big issue.

The reason I am writing this is for a couple of reasons. Another friend I had, let’s call her Cookie. Cookie went to stay with one of our mutual friends, let’s call her, Lollipop. Cookie goes to stay at Lollipop’s house and Lollipop’s family ended up being soooooooooooooooooooooooo ghetto it scared the shit out of Cookie.

Lollipop: Eh, yo’ Ma, why come you never be lettin’ me date boiz?!

Mother Pop: Itz cuz I kno youz a slut! I wuz in a gang wen I waz ur age!

Sister Pop: Lolly be sneekin out with mad boiz at nite!

Father Pop: *smack smack, punch punch, beat beat* Raaaaaaargh!

After Cookie stayed the weekend at Lollipops she went home and cried for a couple of days and started being nicer to her family. You never know how much you got until you see how little other people have.

Another thing is this, I noticed that the way I treat other people that I become close to has a lot to do with how I treat my family. Like, if someone I know kind of reminds me of my older brother or becomes an older brother figure I kind of get snotty with them, in the way that I respond to my older brother’s condescending little sister talk.

Me: You spilled my soda.

Bro: You shouldn’t have put your soda on that part of the table.

Me: You should look at wtf you are doing.

Bro: Meh.

Me: You’re not even gonna clean it up? Are you?

Bro: *sarcastic* I’m on it!

Me: *cleans up juice* You’re fucking useless.

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Posted: July 11th, 2008 under family, friendship, old people, rant.
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