Life is hard. Life is a long, tedious process. People who say life is short are retarded, life is the longest thing you will ever do before you die and I am waaay too lazy for this whole, “living,” thing. I will not watch TV unless the remote is within a 1 foot radius of me. I have not watched television on an actual TV in months because my remote is next to the TV and the TV is not next to my bed.

I mean, I like to do things and get sooo bored when I am not doing things. But starting to do things, ah jeeze. I love to write, writing is what I want to do for the rest of my life, but wtf, I gotta do it? Ugh, but I don’t wanna. Once I start doing things, I can get really into them, but motherfuck if I have to start.

Anyway, so I found out that if I accept housing, get my fin-aid package, then say I don’t want housing, I will get a big ole’ housing check refund. I’ve decided to fuck Patty in her fat face and move in with a friend that is moving to NY around the same time school starts.

But wtf? I have to find an apartment, contact the financial aid department, blah blah, etc. Ugh, and I have to tell Patty that I am not going to live with her.

Dealing with Patty will be an issue because I am scared she will ACTUALLY EAT ME. It is evident from the way she lunges her tampons, leaking with feminist fury and elitism, at me, that she believes I am her only friend. And if I leave her she will be left alone (MWUHAHAHAHA) and huddle in the fetal position with a barrel of butter sticks and deep fried hash brown sandwiches.

I could easily see myself waiting until the day before school starts in September to tell her and her pretending that she is okay when she is really crying on the inside and outside. Then I will proceed to eat her fallen tears because she cries whipped cream and bacon, and I fucking love BACON!!!!

I mean, it’s a bit surprising that she cries bacon even though she is a vegetarian, but God is a hipster and fucking loves irony! Also, maybe if the sad bitch ever ate a vegetable…

*In Patty Pretentious Victorian Feminist Voice*: “What you need to realize Sassy, is that Jelly Donuts are in fact fruit. Jelly has it’s origins in produce and according to the FDA approved Food Pyramid one should eat 6 to 11 servings of carbohydrates a day, even if the results may be that you become a disgusting, self-loathing, fat bitch.”

Well I hate the cunt, obviously, the only thing I will miss are the awesome stories I get to tell about her fat ass! But once I cut ties with her that will leave me open to a bunch of new sad, fat asses to hate on! I mean after all, I am considering doing some plays next year!

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Posted: June 7th, 2008 under I'm a Vagina McVaginastein, college, cunt, fat, feminism, friendship, liberal guilt, roommates, unicorns.
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